At the moment in life when a boy feels
himself becoming a man I began to ask some earnest questions. Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? I sought answers in science class, in conversations
with family and friends and by defiantly disobeying my father's wishes that I
not waste time reading Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. I began to explore other areas of thought and
belief outside of the Christian worldview my parents had taught me.
I left church services believing that one’s
spirituality was based on external behavior.
I knew a lot of Protestants and Catholics who acted Christian on Sunday
but lived like the devil all week. My
Catholic friends rationalized their sinful behavior by going to Mass and
confessing sins once a week. My
Christian friends would say a quick Saturday night prayer in preparation for
church on Sunday. I was disillusioned
and disappointed. I saw their hypocrisy
and I despised in others what I knew was rooted in my own soul.
Bitterness began to eat away at me. My parents worried much about the direction I
was taking and so they sent me away to a Christian boarding school. For the first time in my life I saw young
people who really seemed to live an authentic Christian life. I was skeptical. I studied their lives and searched for flaws.
They didn’t seem to struggle with anger
like I did. They were not eaten up with
bitterness like I was. They had a peace
that surpassed my understanding. I
learned that God loved me, that he could forgive me and that living a Christian
life was possible through the grace of God.
I began a journey, cover to cover, through the Bible as a high school
junior.
God came to life through the
scriptures. I was envious of others
around me who seemed to be living on a different plane of reality than I was
living. I went to chapel services. I attended revival services. I realized that my own moral failures and my
own selfishness was what had separated me from Christ.
I learned that I could be restored. My first year in that boarding school was
pretty traumatic. I struggled with my
belief. I tried to find fault in the
professing Christians around me. I
thought I had to understand and comprehend salvation before I experienced
it. I finally came to realize that I
could never really know Christ if I failed to repent of my sins.
I gave my heart to Christ. I said 'yes' to God. He invited me into relationship with
him. Shortly after he called me to teach
and preach the truth of God. I finally
knew who I was, I knew why I was created, I knew where I was going. Unfortunately, I lost my way for awhile. I was Gomer in the book of Hosea. I sought out others lovers, other gods. I worshipped other idols. I was asking God
for a divorce. I wanted to enjoy the
pleasures of sin. Even though I turned my back, the Hound of Heaven followed
after my fleeing soul like the dog pursues the rabbit. He would not cease seeking after me. His love never faltered. He refused to let me
go. I sought divorce from God and he
would have nothing of it. I turned back
to Christ on the day I realized that in my deepest agony, in my darkest moment,
that he still loved me.
The Persians tell the story of the wife
of one of Cyrus’ generals. The general’s wife was accused and convicted
of treason. The king sentenced her to death. When her husband comprehended the gravity of
her situation he rushed into the throne room of the king and cried out in
despair, “Oh Lord, take my life instead of hers. Let me die in her place.” The king felt compassion for them and said, “A
love like this must not be spoiled by death.”
He set the woman free. As they
walked briskly away from the throne room the husband asked his wife, “Did you
not see the compassion in the eyes of the king?” She replied to her husband, “I had no eyes
for the king. I saw only the man who was
willing to die in my place.”
Jesus is the groom who was not only willing
to die but actually did die for the unfaithful bride.
Donald Gray Barnhouse wrote a book
entitled God's Methods for Holy Living.
In that book he tells a story about a young British aristocrat who married and
then went off to fight in WWI. His bride
wrote him a letter and apologized for not writing more often. She said she was extremely busy in a local
hospital taking care of the wounded who had returned from war. The young man received some leave time and so
he went home to surprise her. He went to
the hospital where his young wife was supposedly working but she wasn't
there. He checked her flat and she
wasn't there either. Someone slipped up
to him and said, "She will probably be at a tea dance at the Ritz
today." The husband went there and
found her with another man. He divorced
her.
At the beginning of the same war, there
was a young couple in love in the western part of the U.S. They had planned to marry and the young man
was suddenly called off to war. On the
day before he was to be shipped out the young woman said to him, "I know
that it is not quite the date for our wedding, but you might be ordered
overseas immediately; you might be killed, and I would much rather go through
life bearing your name than go through life always explaining that the man I
loved had been killed in the war. So
let's be married now." They were
married the next day and the husband was shipped out to France and the young
bride sat lone in the little cottage that was to be their home.
She was very lonely, of course. Day after day she would write to him, she
thought of him constantly and she sent him gifts. Months passed and on one particular day she
was so lonely she sat some pillows by the fire place and spread her husband's
letters in front of her and she began to read them. She began to cry. Suddenly, as she was weeping over the letters
she heard a step on the front porch. The
door opened and there was her husband.
He had sent a telegram telling her that he was coming but the message
was lost and he had arrived unexpectedly.
She leapt to her feet and ran into his arms. All the months of waiting, all the moments of
loneliness, all her pent up fears were released as she wept in his arms.
The groom is going to come for his
bride. He seeks you even though he finds
you flirting with the world? He loves
you even though your heart has grown cold with hypocrisy and
unfaithfulness. The love of this groom
is too deep to fathom. He will never
file for divorce. He loves you even in
your adultery, even when you’ve given your heart to other gods, to your own
idols. Jesus is searching for the unfaithful bride, “Here I am! I stand at the
door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in…” (Rev. 3:20)
Oh that you might know such love, such wondrous love!
Kevin Probst - Teaches History, Government and Apologetics at the high school level in Columbus Georgia.
